Thursday, February 19, 2015
It's time I wrote again
Times were rough and I quit writing.... I couldn't see the good enough to write about it. Then I forgot about writing for awhile and would think of it now and again but today I need to share what happened for me an it is extraordinary. So things have been real rocky. Holding a regular full time job hasn't been in my capacity, nor has school full time but I did get my associates after years and years. The Lord knew I needed that and helped me make that milestone.... Anyways, life got dark. I lost purpose, and wanted to be dead. I wanted The Lord to just take me! I felt I'm not needed here... But I went to the temple because I have had Promptings to go and reminders of it often. My circumstances have not changed since my trip today but The Lord changed me. I knew and he knew I couldn't do this alone, I knew I had given up lately at trying because I was in such despair I was just passing through the motions, not knowing when it would end. I told The Lord I would work harder at my goals ( very simple ones but necessary) scripture study (not just listening to talks but reading (I struggle focusing) and studying because I knew and know he will help me if I sit down and try. Going to bed earlier and studying something. So what changed in me? He gave me will when I had none. He gave me hope when I saw no light. (I wanted To see purpose in all I was doing as where it would get me and where I was going next and what I would so with my life... Until I could face today how could I face the future? The Lord brought me into perspective and focus). The pioneers got up everyday to face the same thing, a trail of dirt and mud and little food and heat and snow and rivers to cross. Why did they keep pushing? God and their covenants which brought light and hope. This hope God has given me is nothing other than a miracle! If the pioneers could do that and face Hell everyday but face it with God and come off conqueror than so shall I. I start now. Focused with an eye single to God. Only On Him. One step at a time. This is the first step he has given me and I will focus on this goal and seek his aid to accomplish it with all my might everyday until I die if that is what he asks, though I feel there is something just beyond the horizon. There is hope. He is the source of hope and he has shown me the step in keeping it burning. I must push out the thoughts that try to cloud my spirit and let God take me where I need to God. They that wait upon The Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not fain.- Isaiah 40:31
Sunday, June 16, 2013
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Tuesday, April 16, 2013
A New Blog Has Begun!!!!
So Let me explain the title of this blog. My senior year in high I was cast in the community Broadway Musical version of Beauty and The Beast. I was Belle. I was told that I looked and even sounded like Belle. So My Dream has been to be Belle at Disney someday, that dream hasn't presented itself but maybe someday. I have moved on with life and would like to introduce you to my new blog, it is a blog that is practically my daily journal, sharing the message of the joys of living an ordinary life, that when looked at more closely is not so ordinary at all! In the near future I will post some of my Belle pictures so that the content holds more to it's title. Slowly i will add more Belle focused things if I have the time.... Anyways, please enjoy my new blog and comment! http://ordinaryisnotsoordinary.blogspot.com
Sunday, July 31, 2011
A New Day
Sunday July 31st
I awoke happy today and was blessed beyond measure. Church was wonderful! I was a little late for church though cause I felt like I should stop by Isaac's house to say bye since he was leaving for boot camp today, but he wasn't home and I was running too late I couldn't wait for him to get home cause I was giving a talk in Sacrament meeting. I was told I have the gift of speech, I was grateful someone pointed that out, so that I can use that gift to bless others lives and thank my heavenly Father for the gift. Maddie has been following me around the past few days and wanting hugs, reading scriptures with me, taking naps with/by me, I think Heavenly Father is trying to show his love for me through her, a child, pure and wonderful. I am so grateful for His love for me and for her:) I was frustrated with the way I look in pictures still, I just am a lot bigger than I used to be (going from anorexic to binge eating and medication issues with weight) and I really struggle with my pictures. I was frustrated that I look so big and my sisters are so small, then the story came to my mind from President Monson
"One evening a truly awful-looking old man came to the door asking if there was room for him to stay the night. He was stooped and shriveled, and his face was lopsided from swelling-red and raw. He said he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success. "I guess it's my face," he said. " I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says it could possibly improve afer more treatments."... Mary realized this little old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body... He indicated he'd be happy to sleep in the rocking chair on the porch..."I ran short of pots, and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting in this old pail"... Mary smiled as she imagined just sucha scene in heaven. "Here's an especially beautiful one," God might have said when He came to the soul of the little old man. "He won't mind starting in this small, misshapen body." But that was long ago, and in God's garden how tall this lovely soul must stand." I realized how silly I was being. I had wanted to put new pics on facebook for a boy to see a pic more recent of me that was pretty... but I realized I need him to see the real me, and I think God is trying to teach me that. I am grateful God knows what he's doing, and for his protection over me because without Him I would be lost.
Saturday July 30th
I awoke to a loving family who willingly left the Alsea early this morning so that I could make it to work on time. As I got out of the car I departed with a Huge hug from an admiring, loving little sister. I came to work blessed to work with an amazing team headed by an fabulous leader, Janey. Lunch was once again on the beach, one of the most beautiful places on the planet. God loves me.
Friday July 29th
Family outing at the Alsea. After receiving a blessing from Dad last night the Lord guided me on how to help my current situation. I am having hormonal problems still, which cause me to miss work on Thursday. Thanks to the Cranes it all worked out okay. They were amazing! I was able to sleep most the day and that was much needed. Anyways, I was pretty mad today and frustrated that I felt to mad, I was eating like crazy and realized I needed my anxiety medication. It totally was the answer. Luke, Tyler and I had a great time going up the river to Karen's cabin where some awesome rapids are. Conner and I had fun jumping into a smaller rapid and Covina and Allie and I laughed for at least a half hour straight, jumping in and out of the water and having a good time. Dad and I played a game of pool and that was great (He wanted to go in the canoe with me but we didn't end up getting to it, I felt special knowing that he wanted to though) and mom braided my hair. Isaiah is such a ham, he is so fun to be around, all of his funny jokes and comments. I love my family so much and am so blessed to have them in my life.
I awoke happy today and was blessed beyond measure. Church was wonderful! I was a little late for church though cause I felt like I should stop by Isaac's house to say bye since he was leaving for boot camp today, but he wasn't home and I was running too late I couldn't wait for him to get home cause I was giving a talk in Sacrament meeting. I was told I have the gift of speech, I was grateful someone pointed that out, so that I can use that gift to bless others lives and thank my heavenly Father for the gift. Maddie has been following me around the past few days and wanting hugs, reading scriptures with me, taking naps with/by me, I think Heavenly Father is trying to show his love for me through her, a child, pure and wonderful. I am so grateful for His love for me and for her:) I was frustrated with the way I look in pictures still, I just am a lot bigger than I used to be (going from anorexic to binge eating and medication issues with weight) and I really struggle with my pictures. I was frustrated that I look so big and my sisters are so small, then the story came to my mind from President Monson
"One evening a truly awful-looking old man came to the door asking if there was room for him to stay the night. He was stooped and shriveled, and his face was lopsided from swelling-red and raw. He said he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success. "I guess it's my face," he said. " I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says it could possibly improve afer more treatments."... Mary realized this little old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body... He indicated he'd be happy to sleep in the rocking chair on the porch..."I ran short of pots, and knowing how beautiful this one would be, I thought it wouldn't mind starting in this old pail"... Mary smiled as she imagined just sucha scene in heaven. "Here's an especially beautiful one," God might have said when He came to the soul of the little old man. "He won't mind starting in this small, misshapen body." But that was long ago, and in God's garden how tall this lovely soul must stand." I realized how silly I was being. I had wanted to put new pics on facebook for a boy to see a pic more recent of me that was pretty... but I realized I need him to see the real me, and I think God is trying to teach me that. I am grateful God knows what he's doing, and for his protection over me because without Him I would be lost.
Saturday July 30th
I awoke to a loving family who willingly left the Alsea early this morning so that I could make it to work on time. As I got out of the car I departed with a Huge hug from an admiring, loving little sister. I came to work blessed to work with an amazing team headed by an fabulous leader, Janey. Lunch was once again on the beach, one of the most beautiful places on the planet. God loves me.
Friday July 29th
Family outing at the Alsea. After receiving a blessing from Dad last night the Lord guided me on how to help my current situation. I am having hormonal problems still, which cause me to miss work on Thursday. Thanks to the Cranes it all worked out okay. They were amazing! I was able to sleep most the day and that was much needed. Anyways, I was pretty mad today and frustrated that I felt to mad, I was eating like crazy and realized I needed my anxiety medication. It totally was the answer. Luke, Tyler and I had a great time going up the river to Karen's cabin where some awesome rapids are. Conner and I had fun jumping into a smaller rapid and Covina and Allie and I laughed for at least a half hour straight, jumping in and out of the water and having a good time. Dad and I played a game of pool and that was great (He wanted to go in the canoe with me but we didn't end up getting to it, I felt special knowing that he wanted to though) and mom braided my hair. Isaiah is such a ham, he is so fun to be around, all of his funny jokes and comments. I love my family so much and am so blessed to have them in my life.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Life is good:) Allie and I had a fun walk to the post office, I finally sent out the book I got Chad, "If God Loves Me Why This?" We had fun beating eachother every time we spotted a yellow car or a bug. (Yellow bugs you get two punches)! We had a good talk, she loves me so much and wants to help me be better so bad. She cried today while she was telling me how painful it is to see me hurting and struggling. I love her so much and am so grateful that she is here. Melissa, Megan and I went to Tangled, it is super cute. I was starving so we went to walmart afterwords to get some food. We have such a good time together. We went to the toy section and Melissa and I wanted to get princess barbies, but we restrained:) They had Princess Tiana and the girl from Tangled too! One of them, when you pushed the button on her chest made her sing and made her hair light up! I miss being a kid. After we got back we had Relief society prayer, which is what our relief society does every monday through thursday night. We meet, read a spiritual thought and pray together. 3 girls come consistently, and it is fun getting to know them: Heather, Sarah and Jana. Following that Jaren wanted me to take her to the store for some eye liner so I agreed. She talked to me about boys and how I need to think about other things that are more healthy to think and worry about. We laugh alot together. While we were driving, the car died!!!! I was pulling into the Dairy Queen drive through, cause she wanted some ice cream and it just died. We thought, oh it needs gas, so we took it to the gas station, and it died right when we pulled in. So put $7 in. I was worried about putting too much in cause Jaren said put two gallons in and so when I got nervous about going over I pulled it out without stopping it all the way so, yeah, some gas got spilled. She hates the smell of gas and it got on her hands because of me. So we tried to go to dairy queen again, and when we got in the turning lane it died again.... So we started the car up again and pulled into Dairy Queen and as I was parking it died.....again. I had to hit the brakes hard so it would stop and I wouldn't run into the wall! (I would have hit the parking block but it looked like I was going to hit the wall). We walked into dairy queen and asked brent to come and get us and so he did and he drove the car home and we followed in his car. His car is amazing! It's a lexus and when you turn the car on the steering wheel moves! It's like on Batman when he is being chased by police and trying to save Rachel!!! Okay its not quite that intense but I feel like batman none the less. That was my eventful night, with lots of laughing included and a few tears:) Night!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Allies Birthday
Happy birthday Allie! She got a German Pancake for her birthday, chicken noodle soup, bread sticks, cheesecake and some friends over too. I decorated the living room for her:) I think she had a good day.
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